Page Three!

[thief-alchemist.livejournal.com]

Exciting, ney?

"But where is page two?" I hear you ask. Unfortunately, page 2 is STILL not finished as I am the worlds biggest procrastinator, and I need your opinion on this page. Does it make sense? Any improvements? Channel Attolia's spirit and be ruthless XD.

Comments

[zumie-ashlen.livejournal.com]

8D

I love chibi!Gen, hahaha.

The page feels a little cluttered, with the panels stacked on each other, but aside from that, it's perfect. :)

[shadowgirlvg.livejournal.com]

Ooo, very pretty! I love the expression on Gen's face when he sees the light! Hilarious!

I can just think of two things. First, you may want to flip the triangles of the last two panels, my instinct was to go to the one with Gen responding before the one with the Magus' question. Second, does Gen have his hair tied behind him right now? If so then I don't think he gets any sort of hair tie until they get to the inn (I'm nit-picking, I know!)and if not his hair needs to be much longer so that it's a braid-able length (and a hide-stuff-able length...). Other than that, great job!

[thelasteddis.livejournal.com]

Very nice! I love this... can't wait for the other pages!!

Although I must admit that chibis freak me out. A lot. But, to each her own. 0_o

[ninedaysaqueen.livejournal.com]

Got something against super-deform? HMPH...

I'll admit, there are many authors who tend to overdue it. If you want to watch an anime that has no SD whatsoever, try Noir.

[ninedaysaqueen.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! And oh so shiny!

Anyhow since you asked me to be ruthless...

I would say that the page isn't too cluttered, but the eye isn't always directed quite right.

For example, my eye went from the Magus (who looks great BTW) to Gen crying. Part of the reason, in that case, is because the intermediate panel is smaller than the other ones, so it's the last one you see in this sequence. I also agree with Shadowgirl on the triangle panels.

It makes the story a little hard to follow.

[drashizu.livejournal.com]

It's awesome, just like the last one! But I miss the "gods damn, GODS damn" moment which is one of my favorite lines in The Thief. However, you probably have the planning for how the panels are going to work and such, and what fits and what doesn't. The art's excellent. I wish I could do stuff like this. :)

(Um... since you asked for comments, the guy saying "give him a moment for his eyes to adjust" in the fifth panel looks a little seasick. Then again, the magus is a snob and maybe it's Gen's smell that makes him look like that.)

Great job! Looking forward to more!

[amolegere.livejournal.com]

Yay!!! More awesomeness!!! Thanks! (is that enough exclamation points?) Lol, I love the pic of Gen with his watering eyes. I look foreward to page 2!!!

[thesehnsucht.livejournal.com]

i love your userpic! *save*

[amolegere.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!!! I can't wait for the elephant XD It's gonna be awesome :D

[tiegirl.livejournal.com]

Cool. Everything I would've said is covered (and more) in the above comments, so I'll just say you're very talented.

[agh-4.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're art is still beautiful!

Thank you for showing us this, and all I was going to say was said. :D

[magicsandwiches.livejournal.com]

Love it! Keep going!