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queensthiefHaha! You may have thought that the maddness had ended, that I had given up my insane delusions, but I am totally back! Prepare yourselves! For those who have no idea what I'm talking about I wrote act one of A Midsummer Night's Dream with The Thief's characters a few months ago as can be found http://community.livejournal.com/sounis/123588.html#cutid1) and now I have even more!
In case you forgot the cast is as follows:
Lysander: Attolia
Demetrius: Teleus
Hermia: Eugenides
Helena: Costis
Nick Bottom: The Magus
Oberon: Sophos
Titania: Nahuseresh
Puck: Eddis
All other characters shall be played by themselves.
Act II
Act II
(Puck, a.k.a. Eddis, wanders onto the stage, clearly a bit confused as to where she is. Another random fairy soon joins her.)
P/Eddis: How now, spirit! Whither wander you? Also, where are we?
Random Fairy: We’re in a forest, duh. Geez, if this is the quality of the servants the fairy king hires I can totally see why my queen is having a fight with him.
P/Eddis: Now listen here you two-faced, shrew-faced, son of a pixie! I am no servant! I’ll have you know I run my very own kingdom.
Random Fairy: Whatever you say, Puck. Look out, our king and queen are about to meet up and that’s not going to be pretty.
(The fairy runs away and P/Eddis turns around to see Oberon, the king of fairies, also known as…)
P/Eddis: Sophos!
O/Sophos: Oh! *blush* Hello, Eddis. It’s nice to see you again.
P/Eddis: Where have you been all this time?!
O/Sophos: Well, for the past few months I’ve been in—
(Suddenly Titania, the fairy queen, also known as Nahuseresh, bursts into the scene)
T/Nahuseresh: What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence: I have forsworn his bed and company.
O/Sophos: What are you talking about? Who am I jealous of? Who are you? Also, *blush* don’t talk about my bed like that. *He glances significantly at Eddis*
T/Nahuseresh: What? You’re worried about seeming coarse in front of Queen Horse-face? Her little kingdom is so full of filthy, uncivilized citizens that I doubt I could say anything she hasn’t heard before.
O/Sophos: *angry!blush* Titania! I am your king and I demand that you give me your Indian boy…I mean apologize to Eddis!
T/Nahuseresh: Not for all thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away! We shall chide downright, if I longer stay.
(T/Nahuseresh leaves in a generally dramatic and pretty fashion. Eddis stares after him, thoughtfully)
P/Eddis: You know, he looks better in flowing robes and gowns than I ever have.
O/Sophos: I’m sorry you had to hear that Hel—*blush*, er, Eddis. We should get revenge on him.
P/Eddis: Can we have him killed in his sleep? I know quite a few people who would be thrilled at the prospect.
O/Sophos: I was thinking more along the lines of pulling an embarrassing prank on him, maybe making him fall in love with something ugly.
P/Eddis: That wouldn’t exactly suit a level of royal dignity…(She suddenly looks excited and smiles wickedly) But I’m not a queen now, am I? Yes! Finally I get to be the mischievous one!
(Sophos stares at her strangely for a moment, looking a bit nervous. He lets it go though and proceeds to explain his plan)
O/Sophos: One time I was standing by the ocean when I saw the god of love fly by. It was scary. But anyway that very time I saw, but thou couldst not,
Flying between the cold moon and the earth,
Cupid all arm'd: a certain aim he took
At a fair vestal throned by the west,
And loosed his love-shaft smartly from his bow,
As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts;
But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft
Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon,
And the imperial votaress passed on,
In maiden meditation, fancy-free.
Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little western flower,
Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,
And maidens call it love-in-idleness.
Fetch me that flower; the herb I shew'd thee once:
The juice of it on sleeping eye-lids laid
Will make or man or woman madly dote
Upon the next live creature that it sees.
Fetch me this herb; and be thou here again
Ere the leviathan can swim a league.
P/Eddis: What?
O/Sophos: Find me the flower that Cupid shot with his love-arrow and bring it here.
P/Eddis: And where exactly was this flower?
O/Sophos: …I told you, by the ocean.
P/Eddis: *Looking a bit exasperated* Well, thanks for making it so easy. I’ll put a girdle ‘round the Earth in forty minutes.
(Eddis leaves and Sophos sits down to wait for her, looking remarkably cheery)
O/Sophos: When she gets back we’ll make that fairy queen, whoever he is, fall in love with something hideous. That will teach him to insult my beloved Helen. Oh look, new people are coming. Since I’m a fairy I’ll be invisible to them.
(Demetrius/Teleus and Helena/Costis enter, searching about the forest and looking lost.)
D/Teleus: Are you sure they said they’d be going into the woods? I can’t see any sign of them. And didn’t I tell you not to follow me here in the first place?
H/Costis: *Ignoring him* Maybe this young man can help us. *To Sophos* Excuse me, have you seen anyone else wander through these woods in the past few hours?
O/Sophos: I’m invisible.
H/Costis: …Alright then, thanks for your help.
(Costis hurries up to catch up with Teleus, who has continued moving along. Also, just so you’re on the inside track, Teleus is feeling a bit nervous around Costis, thanks to what Gen said in Act I)
D/Teleus: Stop following me so closely, Costis. I need some damn space to breath.
(He shoves Costis back a bit and Costis looks at his captain with a confused expression)
H/Costis: Sir, why are you treating me so harshly?
D/Teleus: *Edgily* Why shouldn’t I? Do you think I should treat you specially? Don’t let my marriage with the king fool you, there are very few women who I’ve ever treated specially and certainly never any men. Except maybe Releus.
H/Costis: What was that last bit?
D/Teleus: It was about twelve layers of subtext deeper than you’d ever be able to negotiate. Let’s just leave it at that.
(Teleus and Costis exit, but Sophos remains on stage)
O/Sophos: How tragic, the man in the dress is clearly in love with the man with intimacy issues. If only there was some way to get them together…
(P/Eddis returns, clutching the flower in her hand)
P/Eddis: It turns out that fairies thrive on vague directions. I was able to find the flower in record time.
O/Sophos: That’s great, because now you’re going to take part of it to make two random strangers that I just saw fall in love with each other. The one that seems emotionless needs to fall in love with the man in the dress. Oh, also you shall know them by the Athenian garments they hath on. In the meantime I’ll get our revenge on the man-queen.
P/Eddis: I’m really starting to miss being the one who gives the orders.
(Eddis leaves on her latest errand and Sophos goes to where Titania/Nahuseresh has just fallen asleep. The love-juice is applied to the fairy queen’s eyes. Sophos turns to leave, but just for good measure he sticks his tongue out before departing.)
Act II, Scene II
(Hermia/Eugenides and Lysander/Attolia are wandering around the woods, very tired and very lost)
Hr/Eugenides: You have no idea where we are, do you?
L/Attolia: Well, perhaps I would have a better idea if my king had remembered to bring a map. Like I told him to.
Hr/Eugenides: Oh, leave it be. Let’s just get some rest now and wait until morning to keep going.
L/Attolia: You want us to go to sleep? Alone in the middle of a forest where we’d be totally defenseless?
Hr/Eugenides: *sighing* You know Irene, you’re not very romantic. Here you are worrying about assassination attempts when we should be having coy banter about how closely we should sleep to each other.
L/Attolia: I’ll worry about things like that when propriety has the potential to endanger my kingdom.
Hr/Eugenides: Whatever you say, my queen. You can stay up all night worrying yourself sick if you want to, but I’m going to get some sleep.
(He lies down on the ground despite Attolia’s glares and exasperated expression. Soon he is clearly asleep. Attolia tries to stay awake, if only to spite him, but soon falls asleep as well. Puck/Eddis enters.)
P/Eddis: I’ve looked all over and I haven’t been able to find anyone in this wretched forest. That’s it, if I ever marry Sophos I’m going to be the one who’s king. I’m already wearing the pants for it.
(She stumbles over a sleeping Gen. Gen doesn’t wake up because…well…I don’t know, maybe his dress is too well cushioned.)
P/Eddis: Huh. I guess I’ve found the lovesick man in a dress, and just going to assume that Gen was drinking too much on that count, so I suppose his emotion-less companion must be…*She spots Attolia* Ah, there we go. I thought she was already in love with Eugenides, but I suppose a little insurance can’t hurt. *Sprinkles the love juice on Irene’s eyes* Churl, upon thy eyes I throw
All the power this charm doth owe.
When thou wakest, let love forbid
Sleep his seat on thy eyelid:
So awake when I am gone;
For I must now to Oberon.
(Exit)
(Helena/Costis and Demetrius/Teleus enter)
H/Costis: Sir, why are you running so fast? We’ll never find the queen if we this much noise.
D/Teleus: I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus.
H/Costis: Dear Gods, I think he’s gone mad.
D/Teleus: Stay, on thy peril: I alone will go.
(Teleus runs off and leaves Costis behind)
H/Costis: Alright, so now I’m on my own in the middle of unfamiliar woods trying to save my queen from my king who is probably doing something crazy and my captain is speaking in flowery prose. Gods be damned, I knew I should have been a farmer.
(He stands about sulkily for a moment then kicks out a foot in frustration. The foot hits Attolia, who lets out a very regal cry of pain.)
What Costis Thinks: Ohshitfuckgoddamnmercyme.
What Costis Says: *girly scream* I’m sorry your highness. Please don’t kill me! I promise, I’ll cut off my foot!
L/Attolia: *Awakening and looking googily-eyed* Oh Costis, don’t say such things. I would pardon people I want to execute for thy sweet sake. How can I have never noticed your fine face, which is prettier than most politicians’?
(Attolia=Queen? Yes. Attolia=Poet? Not so much.)
H/Costis: Um, well, thank you, Your Majesty. By the way, do you happen to know where your husband, the king who could easily kill me is?
L/Attolia: Costis, I’m trying to flatter you. I order you not to mention my marital status. *Clears Throat*
Not Hermia but Helena I love:
Who will not change a raven for a dove?
The will of man is by his reason sway'd;
And reason says you are the worthier maid.
Things growing are not ripe until their season
So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason;
And touching now the point of human skill,
Reason becomes the marshal to my will
And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook
Love's stories written in love's richest book.
Besides, Eugenides is annoying.
H/Costis: Is this…is this a test? To see how loyal I am to you and the king? If it is I swear that I am completely committed to whatever it is you what me to be committed to.
(Attolia wraps her arms around him.)
H/Costis: *squeaky voice* I’m going to find the captain now. CAPTAIN!
(He runs off)
L/Attolia: *sigh* Why do they always have to be terrified of me before I get them? Maybe I should have his foot cut off…
(She follows Costis)
Hr/Eugenides: *suddenly thrashing awake* Wonderful, another night full of cheerful, god-induced dreams. Irene, are you still awake? I wouldn’t mind some comforting right now.
(He looks around and realizes she isn’t there. Eugenides pales.)
Hr/Eugenides: Gods, if she’s been kidnapped I’m never going to hear the end of it.
(He goes off in frantic search.)
End Act II
In case you forgot the cast is as follows:
Lysander: Attolia
Demetrius: Teleus
Hermia: Eugenides
Helena: Costis
Nick Bottom: The Magus
Oberon: Sophos
Titania: Nahuseresh
Puck: Eddis
All other characters shall be played by themselves.
Act II
Act II
(Puck, a.k.a. Eddis, wanders onto the stage, clearly a bit confused as to where she is. Another random fairy soon joins her.)
P/Eddis: How now, spirit! Whither wander you? Also, where are we?
Random Fairy: We’re in a forest, duh. Geez, if this is the quality of the servants the fairy king hires I can totally see why my queen is having a fight with him.
P/Eddis: Now listen here you two-faced, shrew-faced, son of a pixie! I am no servant! I’ll have you know I run my very own kingdom.
Random Fairy: Whatever you say, Puck. Look out, our king and queen are about to meet up and that’s not going to be pretty.
(The fairy runs away and P/Eddis turns around to see Oberon, the king of fairies, also known as…)
P/Eddis: Sophos!
O/Sophos: Oh! *blush* Hello, Eddis. It’s nice to see you again.
P/Eddis: Where have you been all this time?!
O/Sophos: Well, for the past few months I’ve been in—
(Suddenly Titania, the fairy queen, also known as Nahuseresh, bursts into the scene)
T/Nahuseresh: What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence: I have forsworn his bed and company.
O/Sophos: What are you talking about? Who am I jealous of? Who are you? Also, *blush* don’t talk about my bed like that. *He glances significantly at Eddis*
T/Nahuseresh: What? You’re worried about seeming coarse in front of Queen Horse-face? Her little kingdom is so full of filthy, uncivilized citizens that I doubt I could say anything she hasn’t heard before.
O/Sophos: *angry!blush* Titania! I am your king and I demand that you give me your Indian boy…I mean apologize to Eddis!
T/Nahuseresh: Not for all thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away! We shall chide downright, if I longer stay.
(T/Nahuseresh leaves in a generally dramatic and pretty fashion. Eddis stares after him, thoughtfully)
P/Eddis: You know, he looks better in flowing robes and gowns than I ever have.
O/Sophos: I’m sorry you had to hear that Hel—*blush*, er, Eddis. We should get revenge on him.
P/Eddis: Can we have him killed in his sleep? I know quite a few people who would be thrilled at the prospect.
O/Sophos: I was thinking more along the lines of pulling an embarrassing prank on him, maybe making him fall in love with something ugly.
P/Eddis: That wouldn’t exactly suit a level of royal dignity…(She suddenly looks excited and smiles wickedly) But I’m not a queen now, am I? Yes! Finally I get to be the mischievous one!
(Sophos stares at her strangely for a moment, looking a bit nervous. He lets it go though and proceeds to explain his plan)
O/Sophos: One time I was standing by the ocean when I saw the god of love fly by. It was scary. But anyway that very time I saw, but thou couldst not,
Flying between the cold moon and the earth,
Cupid all arm'd: a certain aim he took
At a fair vestal throned by the west,
And loosed his love-shaft smartly from his bow,
As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts;
But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft
Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon,
And the imperial votaress passed on,
In maiden meditation, fancy-free.
Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little western flower,
Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,
And maidens call it love-in-idleness.
Fetch me that flower; the herb I shew'd thee once:
The juice of it on sleeping eye-lids laid
Will make or man or woman madly dote
Upon the next live creature that it sees.
Fetch me this herb; and be thou here again
Ere the leviathan can swim a league.
P/Eddis: What?
O/Sophos: Find me the flower that Cupid shot with his love-arrow and bring it here.
P/Eddis: And where exactly was this flower?
O/Sophos: …I told you, by the ocean.
P/Eddis: *Looking a bit exasperated* Well, thanks for making it so easy. I’ll put a girdle ‘round the Earth in forty minutes.
(Eddis leaves and Sophos sits down to wait for her, looking remarkably cheery)
O/Sophos: When she gets back we’ll make that fairy queen, whoever he is, fall in love with something hideous. That will teach him to insult my beloved Helen. Oh look, new people are coming. Since I’m a fairy I’ll be invisible to them.
(Demetrius/Teleus and Helena/Costis enter, searching about the forest and looking lost.)
D/Teleus: Are you sure they said they’d be going into the woods? I can’t see any sign of them. And didn’t I tell you not to follow me here in the first place?
H/Costis: *Ignoring him* Maybe this young man can help us. *To Sophos* Excuse me, have you seen anyone else wander through these woods in the past few hours?
O/Sophos: I’m invisible.
H/Costis: …Alright then, thanks for your help.
(Costis hurries up to catch up with Teleus, who has continued moving along. Also, just so you’re on the inside track, Teleus is feeling a bit nervous around Costis, thanks to what Gen said in Act I)
D/Teleus: Stop following me so closely, Costis. I need some damn space to breath.
(He shoves Costis back a bit and Costis looks at his captain with a confused expression)
H/Costis: Sir, why are you treating me so harshly?
D/Teleus: *Edgily* Why shouldn’t I? Do you think I should treat you specially? Don’t let my marriage with the king fool you, there are very few women who I’ve ever treated specially and certainly never any men. Except maybe Releus.
H/Costis: What was that last bit?
D/Teleus: It was about twelve layers of subtext deeper than you’d ever be able to negotiate. Let’s just leave it at that.
(Teleus and Costis exit, but Sophos remains on stage)
O/Sophos: How tragic, the man in the dress is clearly in love with the man with intimacy issues. If only there was some way to get them together…
(P/Eddis returns, clutching the flower in her hand)
P/Eddis: It turns out that fairies thrive on vague directions. I was able to find the flower in record time.
O/Sophos: That’s great, because now you’re going to take part of it to make two random strangers that I just saw fall in love with each other. The one that seems emotionless needs to fall in love with the man in the dress. Oh, also you shall know them by the Athenian garments they hath on. In the meantime I’ll get our revenge on the man-queen.
P/Eddis: I’m really starting to miss being the one who gives the orders.
(Eddis leaves on her latest errand and Sophos goes to where Titania/Nahuseresh has just fallen asleep. The love-juice is applied to the fairy queen’s eyes. Sophos turns to leave, but just for good measure he sticks his tongue out before departing.)
Act II, Scene II
(Hermia/Eugenides and Lysander/Attolia are wandering around the woods, very tired and very lost)
Hr/Eugenides: You have no idea where we are, do you?
L/Attolia: Well, perhaps I would have a better idea if my king had remembered to bring a map. Like I told him to.
Hr/Eugenides: Oh, leave it be. Let’s just get some rest now and wait until morning to keep going.
L/Attolia: You want us to go to sleep? Alone in the middle of a forest where we’d be totally defenseless?
Hr/Eugenides: *sighing* You know Irene, you’re not very romantic. Here you are worrying about assassination attempts when we should be having coy banter about how closely we should sleep to each other.
L/Attolia: I’ll worry about things like that when propriety has the potential to endanger my kingdom.
Hr/Eugenides: Whatever you say, my queen. You can stay up all night worrying yourself sick if you want to, but I’m going to get some sleep.
(He lies down on the ground despite Attolia’s glares and exasperated expression. Soon he is clearly asleep. Attolia tries to stay awake, if only to spite him, but soon falls asleep as well. Puck/Eddis enters.)
P/Eddis: I’ve looked all over and I haven’t been able to find anyone in this wretched forest. That’s it, if I ever marry Sophos I’m going to be the one who’s king. I’m already wearing the pants for it.
(She stumbles over a sleeping Gen. Gen doesn’t wake up because…well…I don’t know, maybe his dress is too well cushioned.)
P/Eddis: Huh. I guess I’ve found the lovesick man in a dress, and just going to assume that Gen was drinking too much on that count, so I suppose his emotion-less companion must be…*She spots Attolia* Ah, there we go. I thought she was already in love with Eugenides, but I suppose a little insurance can’t hurt. *Sprinkles the love juice on Irene’s eyes* Churl, upon thy eyes I throw
All the power this charm doth owe.
When thou wakest, let love forbid
Sleep his seat on thy eyelid:
So awake when I am gone;
For I must now to Oberon.
(Exit)
(Helena/Costis and Demetrius/Teleus enter)
H/Costis: Sir, why are you running so fast? We’ll never find the queen if we this much noise.
D/Teleus: I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus.
H/Costis: Dear Gods, I think he’s gone mad.
D/Teleus: Stay, on thy peril: I alone will go.
(Teleus runs off and leaves Costis behind)
H/Costis: Alright, so now I’m on my own in the middle of unfamiliar woods trying to save my queen from my king who is probably doing something crazy and my captain is speaking in flowery prose. Gods be damned, I knew I should have been a farmer.
(He stands about sulkily for a moment then kicks out a foot in frustration. The foot hits Attolia, who lets out a very regal cry of pain.)
What Costis Thinks: Ohshitfuckgoddamnmercyme.
What Costis Says: *girly scream* I’m sorry your highness. Please don’t kill me! I promise, I’ll cut off my foot!
L/Attolia: *Awakening and looking googily-eyed* Oh Costis, don’t say such things. I would pardon people I want to execute for thy sweet sake. How can I have never noticed your fine face, which is prettier than most politicians’?
(Attolia=Queen? Yes. Attolia=Poet? Not so much.)
H/Costis: Um, well, thank you, Your Majesty. By the way, do you happen to know where your husband, the king who could easily kill me is?
L/Attolia: Costis, I’m trying to flatter you. I order you not to mention my marital status. *Clears Throat*
Not Hermia but Helena I love:
Who will not change a raven for a dove?
The will of man is by his reason sway'd;
And reason says you are the worthier maid.
Things growing are not ripe until their season
So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason;
And touching now the point of human skill,
Reason becomes the marshal to my will
And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook
Love's stories written in love's richest book.
Besides, Eugenides is annoying.
H/Costis: Is this…is this a test? To see how loyal I am to you and the king? If it is I swear that I am completely committed to whatever it is you what me to be committed to.
(Attolia wraps her arms around him.)
H/Costis: *squeaky voice* I’m going to find the captain now. CAPTAIN!
(He runs off)
L/Attolia: *sigh* Why do they always have to be terrified of me before I get them? Maybe I should have his foot cut off…
(She follows Costis)
Hr/Eugenides: *suddenly thrashing awake* Wonderful, another night full of cheerful, god-induced dreams. Irene, are you still awake? I wouldn’t mind some comforting right now.
(He looks around and realizes she isn’t there. Eugenides pales.)
Hr/Eugenides: Gods, if she’s been kidnapped I’m never going to hear the end of it.
(He goes off in frantic search.)
End Act II
no subject
Date: 10/18/07 09:38 pm (UTC)Ha! :) This is so random... poor Costis.
no subject
Date: 10/18/07 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 10/19/07 01:20 am (UTC)Naharuseth as Titania? Awesome. I'm surprised how well the cross-gender casting worked out (oh, and MoW's "if you're going to whine like a girl I'll treat you like one" in pt I = brilliant)
"It was about twelve layers of subtext deeper than you’d ever be able to negotiate. Let’s just leave it at that." AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH. I love this!
And I'm really looking forward to seeing Naharuseth falling for the Magus. Just because it will be mind-bendingly weird.
no subject
Date: 10/19/07 08:53 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing!
~Feir Dearig
no subject
Date: 10/19/07 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 10/19/07 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 10/19/07 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 10/19/07 11:52 pm (UTC)