Deja Vu

[agh-4.livejournal.com]

Hi. I apolgize for digging up old stuff from de archives, but I was looking through them yesterday and I got inspired. About a year and a half ago (though I, of course, had nothing to do w/ it, me being a newbie)  Jade posted a write-KoA-like-another-author-would thing. Ha ha ha! You guys are GENiuses! They were SO MUCH FUN TO READ! GAAAAA!
Anyway, I got inspired, like I said, and wrote three myself, because I really really had to. I mean, yesterday I TRIED to study for my french test, but my mind was full of contemplation, so I had to pause and write these. So I'm posting them, because sharing is caring and, well, it would be weird to add new comments to a post from 2008.
(Aspectabound also did a Terry Pratchett one, which is FUNNY! ... but mine's different, so I'm not really copying ... I agree with Attolia/Vetinari!)
(I hope I'm not too harsh on Harry Potter, because I love Harry Potter. It just turned out like this.)
Sorry it's devilishly long. I couldn't figure out how to do the more under cool green highlightedness thing. Sorry.

The Queen of Attolia, by Gaston Leroux, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, and Richard Stilgoe
....be warned: the book's plot is almost nonexistant, it's so distorted and deformed to fit into the Phantom of the Opera.

Gen: My Queen, I've been having strange dreams.
Eddis: Yes, Eugenides?
Gen: In my dreams, I see a beautiful woman, dancing. If fills my spirit with a strange, sweet sound, bun in her I see all the sadness of the world. I am strangely enchanted.
Eddis: My Gods! Who IS this lady?
Gen: Um, y'know... the Queen of Attolia.
Eddis: THE QUEEN OF ATTOLIA?!?! My gods! She's dangerous! She haunts the peninsula! She cut off your hand! You must have been DREAMING!
Gen: Um, yeah. That's the idea. It was a dream. It's all inside my mind.
Voice of Attolia: I'm there.... inside your mind.............
Gen: Oh yeah, and I've been hearing creepy voices.
Eddis: Now that you mention it, my ministers have been getting notes threatening war if we don't do what she wants ... wait! Aren't YOU supposed to be the one being stealthy and creepy???
Gen: ...
Eddis: Oh look. It's Agape.
Gen: Agape! We seem to have met before, when we were young...
Agape: Eugenides, Eugenides...
**cue pretty love song**
Voice of Attolia: INSOLENT GIRL! THE THIEF IS MIIIIIIINE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Agape: Don't listen to her, Eugenides! She copped off your hand once, and she'll do it again!
Gen: I'm scared. Protect me, Agape. You're so much more normal, and you're soooo sweet! But still... I am oddly attracted to this cruel, beautiful woman.
Attolia: YOU SHALL CURSE THE DAY YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE QUEEN OF ATTOLIA! *drops metal, tree-ish thing that she hangs her earrings on on Gen's head and steals him away to her kingdom of darkness and music* AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Gen: Waaaaaiiiiiit..... I was supposed to kidnap YOU!
Attolia: HA! Now you have to live in my palace with the masked killing machine that is me! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Agape: Noooooo! Gen! I was trying to rescue you but she's gonna kill me!
Attolia: Do you love me, Gen? DO YOU LOVE ME?!?!
Gen: SERIOUS role reversal here. Yes, I love you, you pitiful creature. Now let me go and properly marry Agape like my cousin wanted me to.
Attolia: I'm so touched I'm going to redeem myself. Go marry her. You're special, Gen. It's all over for me now...

The King of Attolia, by JK Rowling

Moira: You're the only one who can do it, Gen. You have to go defeat the Medes with the power of love. The gods believe in you.
Gen: Meeee? No. That's dumb. I'm ALREADY king. I hate responsibility!
Eddis and Sophos and the Magus and Costis: We're coming with you!
Attolia: Me, too.
Gen: WHY DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO AND SAVE THE DAY? DO YOU SEE THIS SCAR ON MY FACE? I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE LIKE ME! DO YOU THINK IT'S EASY BEING A PAWN OF THE GODS!?!? WHOSE MOM DIED WHEN HE WAS TEN? WHO STOLE HAMIATHES'S GIFT AND HAD A SWORD PULLED OUT OF HIM? WHO ALMOST GOT ASSASSINATED? WHO GO HIS HAND CHOPPED OFF?!?!?!?!?!?
*awkward silence*
Attolia: Honestly, Gen.
Gen: I have to go alone. It is my destiny.
Friends: No, we need to help you. You need our help. We're coming. Even though you're unstable.
Nahuseresh: *high, cold laugh* I tried to kill you once and failed, but this time for sure! Ha! ...wait, you came back to life...?
Gen: Hee hee. You missed again. Now I'm going to kill you! You became immortal by splitting your slippery soul and storing separately in the points of your beard, but now I know and am going to kill you after we've walked around in a cricle for a sufficiant amount of time.
Nahuseresh: But I am the dark lord! I have the Elderly Sword! and that rhymes! Hold on, If I replace your missing hand with a silver one, will you spare me? (And besides, then it would actually end up killing you so I don't have to myself!)
Gen: No.
Nahuseresh: Very well. NOOOOOOOOOO! *dies*
Gen: *turns to friends* I couldn't have done it without you. To bad half the kingdom had to die in the battle.
Friends: Aw, blimy, Gen. Thanks!
*group hug*
Gen: Kreacher Costis, how about a sandwich?

The King of Attolia, by Terry Pratchett

War. It swept over the countries of the peninsula like so many swarms of flies, a beast with a mind of its own, a beast born out of humans that came to inhabit the planet almost as if scheduled....
The Meads* were coming. But not yet. Now, an assasination attept was taking place against Eugenides.
Relius: Ook!
Costis: Yes, Librarian Secretary of the Archives?
Relius: Ook!
Costis: Oh bugger! I have to go save the king RIGHT NOW! YOURRRR MAJESTYYYYYY!!!! *runs through underground caves, vaults over rancid rivers, fights off strange animals in a weird metaphorical way, etc*
Gen: *raises 1 eyebrow* Where am I? Who are you?
Death: I HAD THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED. I HAVE ALWAYS CONSIDERED YOU A MILDLY INTELLIGENT PERSON.
Gen: Hang on, I have to get back! I AM king. Irene would be lost without my guidance. I'm not ready to die yet!
Death: YOU HAVE WISHED TO IN YOUR PAST.
...And Eugenides saw. He saw the world without his presence. He saw a future of war and sadness, a country without a king, with a queen who had lost all humanity and loyalty from her people, chaos, chaos and destruction....
Gen: *blinks* But things are different now! There're things I have to do! Like destroy the house of Erondites and say hahaha and prove myself and be generally the awesomest person there is!
Death: AH.
Gen: I'm not going to die. That's not how the story goes.
Death: PRECISELY. I AM GLAD YOU AGREE.
Gen: Then why are you still here?
Death: I CAN WAIT. YOU ARE FREE TO GO AS SOON AS YOU GIVE ME BACK MY SCYTHE.
Gen: *hands it back* I am king, you know.
Costis: Whoa, Your Majesty! That way, If I may say so, really really neato! You just got rid of three of those assassin guys!
Gen: I just hope they weren't Guild members...
Relius: Ook?
Gen: Oh, of course. I forgot. *gives him a banana*
Costis: How, in this climate ... ? A banana ...?
Gen: I have my ways, Costis. I have my ways.
--
*Meadia is an empire well known for its army and its strong liquor** It has succeeded in colonizing a good part of the Middle Sea area, in some cases because the  rulers of the conquered lands had been gotten too drunk to object.
** One is the cause of the other, interestingly enough.

I hope you like!!!!!
Ohgod, this is really long. I'm so sorry for being a space hog (pigs in spaaaace!)

Cupid

[queens-thief.livejournal.com]

In one of those wonderful coincindences I was reading Cupid by Julius Lester when hazelwillow started the very lively discussion on the possible parallels of the myths Cupid and Psyche and Beauty and Beast in the Queen's Thief series. I thought about posting this in that discussion, but this community is about our love for books in addition to Gen, right? So I want to share this wonderfully hilarious and often insightful retelling of Cupid and Psyche. What I particularly love is the narration. It is told in the voice of a Southern black storyteller and he is as much a character as Cupid.
Here's a little something to whett your appetites without spoiling anything...

"Well, the daughters need names. The story is content to call them the 'elder sister' and the 'younger sister'. That is not good enough for me. The two sisters have to have names. I was thinking abnout having a contest to pick thier names, but the story would proabably get tired of waiting for all the votes to be counted, catch a bus, and go to somebody else to get told and that person would not tell the story the way it shoudl be told, which is how I am going to tell it. So I'll call on Thomasina, after a girl I had a lot of lust for in high school who wasn't lusting after me (bet she's sorry now), and I'll call the other one Calla. I have no idea if there is such a name, but it sounds like it belongs in the story."

I wish I could give you more--it's all quotable--but that will have to do.
Bottom line: go check it out! :)
And if you find more insight into QT you know where to go ;)