Bulwer-Lytton Queen's Thief sentences!

[deirdrej.livejournal.com]

OK, everybody, I just had a terrible idea -- or maybe it's actually brilliant, I don't know... But anyway ... You know the Bulwer-Lytton contest? The one where you try to come up with the worst possible opening sentence for a novel? Well my sister and I were inventing some sentences, and somehow some minor QT characters got involved. Nahuserfish, for instance. Here are a couple of sentences that Megan Whalen Turner would never write.

Queen's Thief Bulwer-Lytton Prize Entries.

"Handsome is as handsome does," thought Legarus the Awesomely Beautiful, as he leaned on his spear, contemplating the new-model gun he carried as a member of the Queen's Guard, which, though poor of aim and slow of response, was highly decorative -- indeed, almost blinding, beset as it was with jewels -- and so couldn't have been more perfect for him.

Nahuserfish, the Mede ambassador, sat sharpening his beard into points like a fork and anointing it with cheap hair oil, wishing that women were as easy to manage as his luxuriant facial hair.
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What do you think? Would anybody like to improve upon these, or make up some more?
;-D

Comments

[rosaleeluann.livejournal.com]

You seem to be reading alot of Agatha Cristie lately, checks. I've never tried one of her books... would you recommend them?

[checkers65477.livejournal.com]

Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! Start with one of these: The Mysterious Affair at Styles, And Then There Were None, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, or Peril at End House. Or, or, or...so many good ones. They are very old fashioned, British detective stories. And awesome.