apologetic

[jyms.livejournal.com]

i'm so sorry i seem to be spamming. sorry...

but i couldn't sleep last night cause i wanted to write a pome, but was too lazy to get up from bed, if you get what i mean. i don't know if this violates the rules, but this pome isn't exactly fanfiction so i don't know where to put it. i wrote it today, and it's rather bad. but i'm high you see, so i do anything. it's about Attolia. and it's extremely inaccurate at certain points cause i wanted it to be all poetic and floaty. and i didn't make it rhyme. hope you like it. and again i'm very sorry...somehow i feel that as a new member i shouldn't be taking much space...and again i'm guiltstricken cause i bet you're getting annoyed at the apologizing. sorry...

Shadow Queen
Shadow queen...shadow queen...who is she?
Haunted by amphora spectres
The fragrance of hair oil strangles.
Coleus leaves are scattered in her fragile frozen heart.

The ambassador, avec beard, attempts to poach her kingdom
Nothing he gets 'cept shadow diplomacy from a shadow queen.
She recalls shades of a time gone past. When she danced in a pale dress beneath
The orange trees.The ruby earrings murmur.

But a severed hand lies on the floor, cold as frozen ice.
It has rent her mask in two, it has torn her shadows apart.
For it takes a thief, it takes a thief-

to steal her heart.

p.s. the poem does resemble a sort of bush. coleus bush?

Comments

[rowana.livejournal.com]

:) Insomnia does suck. Feel free to take up as much or as little space as you like, new member or not, it's irrelevent. Ther rest of us certainly take up more than enough room. I like the last verse of your poem, how long did it take you to write?

The only thing I'd ask is, could you stick the poem under an LJ cut? They're explained on the FAQ page, it just makes the posts smaller and the main page of Sounis easier to read. :)

[jyms.livejournal.com]

bits here and there in the day...and i like the last verse too, i think it's the best bit cause it actually rhymes, though i didn't mean it to...and thank you =)

[willow-41z.livejournal.com]

I like this! What does avec, mean, though?

One other thing-- frozen ice is redundant. The idea of the frozen hand stealing the frozen heart is good, though, and the frozen heart being fragile. I was reading today, somewhere, someone said that in the old days when they hung laundry up to dry, in the winter it would freeze and then break and tear if mishandled.

[jyms.livejournal.com]

i used google translator =) cause ambassador 'with' beard sounds weird. avec is french. i think i learned it for piano theory too, just that i couldn't remember. mm frozen ice is redundant. just thought it was fun, and in some cases redundancy does heighten the emotional impact. apparently this one fell through =( whee!

[allthingevil123.livejournal.com]

i like it, (please don't take offense its my possibly twisted sense of humour) but the avec beard bit made me laugh (told you i'm weird)

ecept for the first 2 lines of the second verse i really like it, those 2 lines seem a bit out of place with the avec beard, poach and 'cept cos the rest seems quite formal (?)

sorry about the essay, its what happens when you do eng lit GCSE *apologetic face*

(and yes insomonia sucks)

i'll shut up now :-)

[jyms.livejournal.com]

well the guy's beard IS weird. and consequently funny. but i couldn't write just ambassador. it would be so wrong. so i thought what is the ambassador with? a beard. on second thoughts i could have written kamet but then again it's just as weird. i guess it's supposed to be formalish. nice and sweepy and romantic. but poetry hates me. i don't hate poetry though. anyway, what book do you do for lit? i'm (sec. 2)doing merchant of venice(rox!) and to kill a mockingbird(rox too!), and there was a smidgy of war poetry somewhere this year. poor wilfred owen.
randomness...

[allthingevil123.livejournal.com]

well i've finished eng lit and i'm onto sixth form
but when i had the misfortune to do eng lit i did macbeth, frankenstein (nice happy bits of literature) and 'who's life is it anyway?' (about a paralysed man, cont the happy theme) and of course war poetry (how fun...wilfred owen, please somebody save me from his poetry)

i swear our teachers wanted us to kill ourselves before the exam which is why they chose such happy options for us to study...

i see you point about the beard
how about?:
And the sly ambassador from the (insert direction here cos i can't remember) attempts to upsurp her kingdom,
Yet nothing he gets bar shadow diplomacy from the shadow queen.

[jyms.livejournal.com]

=( but wilfred owen is cool. well, his poetry is interesting. of course, if you're going to have to analyse it and do test things...that's a totally different story. i had to do a presentation on anthem for doomed youth and the teacher said i repeated 'also' a lot. very comforting. but merchant was worse cause we had to act it out. hmm frankenstein. kind of brushed past it last year.we didn't actually do the story, we just studied the intro. serious. we were supposed to learn something about the writing process from there, besides gothic thingums. we had to write a gothic story! this guy from my class wrote about gargoyles coming to life and terrorizing the neighbourhood. i wrote about candles going out and sleeping in a bed big enough for 5 people.

i like the 'bar' thing. it's so nice and ancientishy. (i have this addiction to ishy)and is there such a thing as usurping a kingdom? (it's pretty ironic isn't it? considering Attolia's a queen) i always thought of it as a usurp the throne thing.

[allthingevil123.livejournal.com]

frankenstein was ok cos we only had to write one essay for our coursework on it, but we also get to watch the video at which point out teacher told us to bring in permission slips cos theres a part where the monster tears out frankenstiens's girlfriend's heart, we forgot...
macbeth had a strange video as well, the scene leading up to where macbeth murders the king had a 'ghostly' dagger pop up, which should of been scary, except for sparkling bit around it and the 'ping' should every time it popped up....
my friends in a different class had to write a gothic stroy though they studied something else, we just did boring (but easy) essays on 'was macbeth really an evil man' i can't really remember the others though

well i think it is upsurp the throne, but then he's trying to upsurp the throne to steal her kingdom so it kinda work (i think, not sure how though)
bar does sound very archaic(a.k.a ancientishy:-)though