Eddis, Attolia, Sounis

Sorry for double-posting, but I was reading a (very, very old) chat transcript. And I'm *such* a history nerd. I couldn't help it, I needed to extrapolate on the hairpins thing.
A woman's hair being worn up is, in many a cultures, a sign of marriage. In Chinese history, only a woman's husband was allowed to take down her hair -- in anyone else it would have been incredibly rude. I read somewhere that the same was true in ancient Greece.
Now, because Attolia/Eddis/Sounis is much like Greece, one could hazard a guess that the same rule holds there. So, by removing Irene's hairpins, Gen is telling everyone that he is Irene's husband in truth, not only in name.
However, the question is begged: why don't the Attolians notice?
Perhaps it's only a tradition in Eddis?  But then Elia and Phresine notice, and as far as I know, they're both Attolian.
But look! Here's what actually happens:
Gen had returned to the throne and settled onto it looking smug. Phresine, leaving with the queen, heard Elia murmur under her breath, "Well, that was revealing."
"Only to those with eyes to see," murmured Phresine back.
Ornon, standing nearby, silently agreed.
So as far as we know (but only as far as we know), only Gen, Irene, Phresine, Elia and Ornon spot what went on there. The others, we presume, don't have "eyes to see."
If it is a solely Eddisian tradition, than it's obvious why Gen did it and why Ornon spotted it, but not obvious why the queen, Phresine and Elia notice anything more.
So! Let's look at the people who see and check what their relationship to the king and queen is.
Ornon:  Gen's cousin and victim of the famous sheep theft. He knows that Gen isn't an idiot or a puppet. He also knows that the king and queen are in love.
Phresine: Queen's oldest attendant. At one point, when the queen and king are in the queen's rooms, it's implied that Phresine knew he was there.
Elia: I'm actually not sure who Elia is...I'm assuming she's an attendant. I don't know about you, but I was pretty sure that the queen's attendants knew perfectly well that there were...ah...alternate routes between the king and queen's respective suites. At least, Iolanthe and Ileia don't seem too shocked in the "I love every one of your ridiculous lies" scene. Which made me blush for Costis' sake.
Anyway. So, here's my final theory: what if the hair-being-taken-down-by-a-husband thing is fairly common, but the court are so wrapped up in wondering how the king can dance with one hand that they don't notice? Also, they probably wouldn't be expecting any signs of romance between Irene and Gen, so they wouldn't be looking for any.
What do you all think?